What’s the point?

 I wish I could turn back time and make a different decision. I still remember that exact moment when I had a quick debate on whether to be friendly or not and then the miss congeniality in me won and made that first move.

Now I feel like regretting the consequence of doing so because I am now so confused and getting more tired. I have been praying for guidance on this and perhaps I’ve been misinterpreting the signs? I mean the thing is, I am not sure what I am gaining from this situation I’ve put myself into because all I can see is what I am giving…and what I could give more. I got myself into this because I thought the universe is leading me to live an altruistic life, but then I am feeling scared now that I am letting myself be vulnerable to be taken advantage of. Am I being selfish to expect to get more from this than what I give?

I’m thinking of letting go but this also makes me feel bad because it would make my world feel smaller again. It also doesn’t help that I have the personality of not giving up easily that’s why I end up enduring the pain until my last threshold.

I just want to evaporate right now. I want to cry.