Old age reminder

 I love that in my workplace, majority in our department are GenXers. So we had a treat today showing our newest hire, who was born in 1997 didn’t know a floppy disk and a 386 CPU!

I feel so old! Oh how I wish I was 27 again! 

Today’s words of encouragement

 Thought I’d write down here what I said (well wrote) to a new friend:

Metamorphosis - You are a caterpillar now in a cocoon, it feels dark and tight but it is necessary to experience for the beautiful transformation to occur. So just breathe…because when you emerge, you will fly.

I know I am not good at consoling or giving inspiration verbally nor physically but I know that it is through written words that I can express myself and share my sincere thoughts of encouragement.

If only my own words work on me, I’ll write myself to happiness…but am I even allowed to give encouragement to others when I myself am such a mess?

Ok, this is not a fluffy post. I digressed.

Iris Versicolor

 Today I spent the afternoon gardening on my front yard.

My wild irises are in bloom! 💜🥰

Last Fall, I planted lots of their seeds in the hopes that I could propagate them so I was so pleased to find tiny seedlings today! They look a lot like growing grass so I had to be really careful from my weed and grass pulling.

There were some yarrows that were growing in between the irises and I decided to leave them there for now. I will wait and see if they would look good together. 

The Fluffy Strategy

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am going to utilize the fluffy strategy again to keep the remaining sanity I have left in me.

Hence, I will start blogging non-melancholic posts from now on. Perhaps I might still write the occasional cryptic posts since I probably would need to release my deviant thoughts from time to time so I could continue to breathe.

Here we go. Bon courage à moi!

When Can I Write Again

 I have been holding my breath as I have been holding off from holding that pen again.
To put my thoughts into paper...

But I am scared to make an indelible mark that would reveal the dark truth that hides in my soul.

I wish to keep them unrecognized, pretend they are merely bursts of emotions from my insecurities.

Why did I end up being so complicated? What have I done in my previous life that brings me to this state of repression?

Can I sustain this load that I bear? Yes, but for how long?

I need to be strong. I need to remind myself that I was meant by the universe for this path. It's not that I made the wrong choices because if I look back and trace the past, it was a relatively good life. 

Why I am asking for more is what has been consuming me and turning me into a wilting flower hoping for a miracle salvation.

I remedied this before with the mantra of just be fluffy...perhaps it will work again.

Can't Expedite Wisdom

 In today's age where almost everything is instant and on-demand, even biological happenings like forming human life, there is one thing that can only be achieved through a certain passing of time and experience: wisdom. I should say your level of maturity is based on how much wisdom you have gained.

For example, one of my favourite quotes is this:

             "When given a choice between being right and being kind, chose kind"  - Dr. Wayne Dyer

It takes a lot of self actualization and humility to adhere to this. For the youth and young adults who are still on their journey of discovering themselves, I can't really expect them to live this saying, unless, for some divine reason, they have an old soul.

So yes, I have to constantly remind myself this, to calm down my insecurities and need for appreciation. I am trying not to overthink this and I should just accept that this is part of my life's journey as a consequence of the choices I have made along the way in tandem with what the universe's plans for me based on my past life.

Yet with this knowledge, I still struggle and feel tired. The only thing I can do is pray and manifest for motivation to keep going since I don't know when this cycle ends and a new (and hopefully better) one begins.

I have no choice but to keep standing still as I receive the stabs.

Apocalypse theme song

 I have a new song that I've been obsessing lately: Sign of the Times by Harry Styles.

It was the song in the movie Project Hail Mary which the lady-boss character, Eva Stratt, sang in the karaoke party at NASA. The actress who played this character, Sandra Hüller, really did well in portraying this character. Even more, she was the one who chose this song. Of course, I'd give credit to Ryan Gosling too who had the idea to add this karaoke scene in the movie (it wasn't in the script). I mean, if the world was coming to an end and you were the last hope of saving it, there's nothing scarier than that so if I was in that circumstance, I definitely would indeed go sing my heart out on karaoke in public even if it is one of my greatest fears (as I tell people, I'd chose public speaking anytime over singing solo in public).

Since I am in the GenX-Millenial generation, my favourite songs have mostly been from my teenage to early adulthood years, so that's about the late 90s to early 2000s. After moving to Winterpeg twelve years ago, my exposure to current music has pretty much become limited, add that I was raising a child so my music repertoire were all about kids' shows (Paw Patrol and Barney theme songs, hello?). Anyways, there had been one song here and there from the past decade that struck me, but more from artists my generation. Last year though, I have started to open up myself to listening to music from artists whom I could have given birth to. I actually thought this song was an older song until I looked it up and realized it was an original by Harry Styles. Well, ok he might not be young enough to be my son by social standards since I am only 15 years older than him but technically I could already get pregnant at that age, lol.

Ok so, yes, I have been playing this song over and over again for the past week already. I'm looking forward to discovering and falling in love to more songs. Thank you to songwriters who still write meaningful and poetic songs instead of all those trashy songs that are so superficial and nonsensical.