Another Self Hug

This is not really a good way to start the day and not really a good way to start the month but here I am early in the morning with tears on my face.

I have my faults, I know and very much recognize that I've made bad decisions, but I've always been generally still on a straight path and I've always had good intentions. Yet, I still end up saying the wrong things and I end up receiving consequences for those little mistakes. I'd like to scream it is not fair but if there's anything I've learned over my adulthood and that was highly emphasized this year, is that there's no point complaining since it does not change my circumstance. It's a fact that this me, this drama, is the story of my life and I just have to live it. I see myself as the victim but nobody else does and on the contrary my reputation has been the opposite, therefore I can only conclude that it is me who is defective.

But another thing I've learned is that however broken I am, I should love myself for who I am, with all my flaws and eccentricities. I should appreciate myself all the more since I feel that nobody else does. I am special, I am a good person and I want the world to be a better place. I've always had this thought that I have an impending purpose in making a big difference to make an impact for the greater good, I still don't know how it is nor how it will happen...I am already in my mid-life so perhaps this is all there is.

Deep breath. I am fine, I am alright. I can do this.