I had been floating on the river of life for the past months, I thought that was the approach to do. At the back of my mind, a voice had been telling me it was not sustainable, it will not hold, but I didn't listen.
Indeed, two weeks ago I had the most serious wake up call of my life that clearly told me to actively swim, thread the waters, see, feel and experience...breathe. I've underestimated the collateral damage my actions had resulted to, and while it is very tempting for me to blame and hate myself I know that that will just make things worse. It was a test of self compassion, of learning how to love one's self even if your mind is telling you how much you screwed up. It is also about realizing that we have an obligation to live meaningful lives, not just for our own sake but for the next generation we will be leaving on this earth. While there may be a next life time, we are still in this one and we should not lose hope that we could still make it a happy walk even if it was not how we dreamed of our journey to be.
I've learned a hard lesson and I'm taking it to heart in a kind way. I am thankful even if it terribly hurt and I am still battling the paranoia it has brought, because it made me grow and gain wisdom. My understanding of life has broadened once again and I can see things I've never seen before. We have the power to rewrite the next chapters in a new version, there is no one absolute correct path, there's plenty of roads and each one has something to offer and it is up to us to appreciate what these are.
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