Disappointingly absurb

 I am flabbergasted by how in my conscious effort to be altruistic and kind, the return I had was to be looked down upon and get insulted. I could be very angry, I have the right to be, but I chose not to. It is sadness that I am allowing to prevail because I choose to still be kind. It shocked me to realize that a person I thought was kind and empathic and who understood me actually do not. Worse, I could even feel their strong negative rejection of my being because they had too much pride.

I am trying to be as understanding as I could but there are lines that cannot be crossed, and it has been crossed twice now. If there was even a consideration of my feelings, there would at least be some humility that could take over and would let me win this disagreement, or at least end the argument with sympathy. But here I am still trying my best to find any excuse to remind myself that their intention was to help, it was just the delivery that lacked sensitivity and respect. Am I being given the same benefit of the doubt?

I prayed three days ago for guidance to stop my insanity from starting up again. Last night, I thanked God for bringing clarity to me, despite the way it was given to me through a painful emotional attack. I can now put the final nail in the coffin to seal and bury a mystery which now I know would no longer be a fantasy I would be interested to decrypt. 

I am quite tempted to go to self-pity now and question fate why I am being given all these burdens to carry, as if I’m deserving of heavy punishments while all my life I have been taking the pious path. I am going to try my best to neutralize this emotion and be stoic about this.