Just when I thought I got my insanity under control, I was given a difficult test. Today I ended up doing something that I had been trying to avoid because it triggers these dialogues in my head.
A few months ago, I did a daring life altering decision thinking that it would lead me to the happiness I’ve been longing. But fate strongly intervened and made it very clear that I was not allowed to proceed with it. I felt like a teenager who attempted to run away from home but was caught in time by my parents. I was made to realize in a very clear way that finding my happiness is not worth the creating collateral damage to other people. My life now is not about me anymore. I had made decisions over the past two decades that were perpetually binding, made a vow and birthed an offspring.
After that experience, I am now very well aware that I have to abide by fate. It takes a lot of my will power to resist what my impulse wants, lots of suppression and conviction of thoughts. I even tried the saintly approach but no surprise there, I am just an ordinary human, who was I kidding.
I have two nights to bulletproof myself and prepare to face the firing squad. I thought fate agreed with me that I would be able to avoid being in this scenario by not helping make it happen. But then I was reminded that I cannot be selfish and I need to sacrifice. I made contact, in full hopes that it would just be symbolic, but I received the reply that I did not expect. There’s still time though, maybe it will still not happen…but then again if it does not, then the consequence to my offspring would be sadness.
I leave it up to you, fate. I will prepare to brace myself for anything because, really, I have no idea what your plan is.
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